Anyway, so I was browsing online and came across a bizarre headline. Note: I am not a celebrity fan by any stretch of the word. In fact, I can't even say I'd like to watch these two dike out. The "man" of this relationship looks suspiciously like an old friend of mine from grade school. He was a funny looking dude.
So browsing, I read this: LINDSAY'S GAL PAL SAYS THEY'LL GET MARRIED THIS YEAR
I was very curious about this. No last names and all capital letters. This double whammy headline is code for "Celebrity whoring" and "Our newspaper is failing". Never the less, I clicked it. Nothing like two chicks kissing while I'm deucing.
Turns out, it's Lindsay Lohan. I don't know much about her past her greasy vag having more paparazzi photos than her busted face. I honestly thought this girl had overdosed already and made the world just that much better. I was horribly wrong. She's been licking the carpet of a DJ Samantha Ronson. How cute! A dike DJ! Butch lesbians fall in to a very narrow band of professions: DJs, motorcycle enthusiasts, carnies, hot dog cart vendors, or LPGA golfers. Most of them are alcoholics (probably due to stressing out waiting for a set of testicles to descend), drug addicts, possessive bitches, or acoustic guitar players. I don't understand the last one anymore than I understand actually having breasts and still praying for a penis. I mean hey, you already got what every penis wants. Don't be fucking greedy.
Here's a photo of Lohan and Ron's son:
Lohan:
Sam:
Perfect. My entire vision of beautiful girl on girl has been shattered. The only thing that could completely neuter me would be witnessing Rosie O'Donnell riding Blair's (Facts of Life) retarded cousin Geri's face like a pommel horse.
So, now that I have taken you on a journey of the mind, let me get back to what I was thinking about: Being a responsible parent is very important. Thankfully, Lex here was raised well. Rollo's mom breast fed him until he was 18...that was a little weird. Moving on!
Most celebutards have equally retarded parents. Surprise, surprise. There are only so many parents that take pride in watching their offspring do sexually explicit things. Half of those people we call pedophiles. Lindsay Lohan's parents are no different. I wasn't shocked to hear that this woman:
Approved of her daughter testing out the waters of Gay Bay.
Lindsay's father may have had his second moment of clarity in his life. He disapproved of the whole thing and get this....unlike everything else Lindsay has done to get attention and otherwise be a strung out crackwhore....he thinks this whole make believe homosexual thing is just "the pair seeking fame and attention." If you were wondering, Mr. Lohan's first moment of clarity occured just after he shot a load semen in to that wreck of a woman above and thought to himself "Dear baby Jesus, what have I just done? I better not have just fathered a drug-addict, whore, make-believe-lesbian knuckle-dragger whom I will name Lindsay and who will go on to become a celebutard."
There are so many bad parents in the world. In fact, the sheer number of terrible parents out there is one of the only reasons I support abortion. I think it is much less cruel to vacuum a fetus before it turns in to a Lohan.
Now to wax psychological: One can only assume that Lindsay is the way she is because her parents were never there when she needed them. They were probably getting drunk and high after they put her to bed at night. They probably took vacations together and left Lindsay with her grand parents. Etc, etc, etc. And look at them now! Riding the coattails of their trainwreck daughter! (Google turns up 143,000 hits for "lohan trainwreck"). Bottom line is that they were self-centered, greedy, unaware, and emotionally detached from their daughter. Is anyone actually surprised that Lindsay turned out the way she did? She's an amplification of two complete assholes. It's so perfectly clear I could shit...
So, all being said thanks for letting me vent. That extra bit of tension I gave myself, because I truly loathe these fucking Hollywood types, helped me push out a few brownies. Time to wipe up and sign off.
Lex, out.
