Saturday, March 7, 2009
A case of Science vs. Batshitinsane
Last night around 10pm, NASA launched a satellite named "Kepler" to seek out earth-sized planets around neighboring and semi-distant stars. If Kepler returns new "green" planets, what are we going to find? Are we really the only sentient beings in the universe? If we aren't, and the things we find aren't Christian or Muslim, do we holy war their asses? It would only make sense, right? We don't evolve and God must have installed other heathens on other planets to be fodder for intergalactic holy annihilation, right?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Trouble With Creationism
I've had a tough time as a conservative understanding the blood lust that the Republican party has displayed with destroying science. I don't understand it. It's a hard thing for a science believer to grasp. It's been so hard that I have been actively trying to find reasons to disbelieve it using a Christian background. To this point, I have a hypothesis (not a theory like evolution). I will lay it out below.
So, according to the Bible, man came first and fucked around in the Garden for a period of time without a vessel to impregnate. This went on for years...
God came down out of whatever it was above Adam and told the guy that he would make a nice soft place to put his piece. To do this God knocked the hell out of Adam and removed a lower rib to make a female....as in, males are missing a lower rib which made girls.
They lived in harmony having sex and banging under all sorts of fruiting trees while all the other animals watched and learned....
Moving forward six thousand and nine years, I have to question that claim.
If God really removed a lower rib, why are we, as men, not able to suck our own dicks?
A fascinatingly odd surgery for certain types of men is the removal of a lower rib to achieve a frontal bend that will put even the smallest of penis in the mouth....so as Christians...why did we need to have it removed? Wasn't it taken out when we were but a dream in the mind of the first autofelletioing male? Shouldn't Adam have been the first guy to put his own penis in his mouth?
Going forward, how can we really trust folks who claim religious superiority over the population? Shouldn't they have to pass some test without surgery that shows that with their lack of that bottom "female" rib they can put their penis in their own mouth?
Can Pope Benedict suck his own dick? Doesn't that make him holy? It should. If he can suck his own dick, I will believe in Creationism. If he can't, it's possible that we just evolved to this. No offense to the religion...but seriously, if your own Pope can't reach his own dick without that tricky rib, why are we to believe that we lost a rib? Wouldn't the Holiest of Men in the Church be able to show God's work by putting his Pope dick in his Pope mouth?
Until I see Pope Benedict suck himself off, I can't believe in Creationism.
So, according to the Bible, man came first and fucked around in the Garden for a period of time without a vessel to impregnate. This went on for years...
God came down out of whatever it was above Adam and told the guy that he would make a nice soft place to put his piece. To do this God knocked the hell out of Adam and removed a lower rib to make a female....as in, males are missing a lower rib which made girls.
They lived in harmony having sex and banging under all sorts of fruiting trees while all the other animals watched and learned....
Moving forward six thousand and nine years, I have to question that claim.
If God really removed a lower rib, why are we, as men, not able to suck our own dicks?
A fascinatingly odd surgery for certain types of men is the removal of a lower rib to achieve a frontal bend that will put even the smallest of penis in the mouth....so as Christians...why did we need to have it removed? Wasn't it taken out when we were but a dream in the mind of the first autofelletioing male? Shouldn't Adam have been the first guy to put his own penis in his mouth?
Going forward, how can we really trust folks who claim religious superiority over the population? Shouldn't they have to pass some test without surgery that shows that with their lack of that bottom "female" rib they can put their penis in their own mouth?
Can Pope Benedict suck his own dick? Doesn't that make him holy? It should. If he can suck his own dick, I will believe in Creationism. If he can't, it's possible that we just evolved to this. No offense to the religion...but seriously, if your own Pope can't reach his own dick without that tricky rib, why are we to believe that we lost a rib? Wouldn't the Holiest of Men in the Church be able to show God's work by putting his Pope dick in his Pope mouth?
Until I see Pope Benedict suck himself off, I can't believe in Creationism.
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