Ever since I was ripped from the womb, slapped on the ass, then prompty stuffed back in momentarily, I've had a dream. That's right, I've had a dream, I have dreamt, and I am currently dreaming. I will have a dream. I dream that one day a person will not be judged by the color of his prejudices but rather the content of his humor. I have a dream. The length and girth of this dream rivals Rollo's affections for little children. Ungodly, lustful pedaphilia aside, I have a motherfucking dream!
Good day, fellow fappers. I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for apathy in the history of our nation.
One score and eight years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, fucked a giant turtle. This momentous bestiality came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of child molestors who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But twenty-eight years later, the turtle-love boy still is not free. Twenty eight years later, the life of the turtle-love boy is still sadly crippled by the manacles of political correctness and the chains of discrimination. Twenty-eight years later, the turtle-love boy lives on a lonely island of sobriety in the midst of a vast ocean of material humor. Twenty-eight years later, the turtle-love boy is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we have come to Worcester to cash a check. A bounced check...
[TEN MINUTE RANT ON BESTIALITY AND ITS RELATION TO THE STOCK MARKET]
...From the Hills of Grafton, Let apathy ring!
And so we sign that bounced check by crossing the line continually on this great blog. Welcome fellow, fappers. I look forward to shooting my mouth off and ignoring your criticism. I've got some teeth to pull.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rick Cartola, DDS
1 comment:
Count to think of it, you do look a little like the unholy progeny of a turtle and a man. And that's not even to mention the turtlehead. Don't be shy, little guy.
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